That One Question

Wow 8 months since I last posted.

I've got so many drafts on here but until today for some reason I couldn't bring myself to write anything.

Today I went out for lunch with a friend of mine and I don't know about you but I've always been one to almost plan conversations in my head. That's whether or not they actually happen, more often the latter.

This was a friend of mine I haven't seen or spoken to as much recently compared with a few months ago. A friend who I can tell anything to but I lied about the real reason why I was a bit on edge. Maybe I just didn't want to make anything awkward?

A friend who for ages I feel like I don't know anymore and the one simple question I forgot to ask; "how are you?", the one question in that planned conversation in my head. The one question that could've lead our whole conversation down a different path instead of the normal things we talk about.

Of course I still enjoyed spending time with my friend but for some reason I still spent the rest of the afternoon beating myself up over the fact that I didn't ask that simple question. That simple question I've waited to ask, that simple question I wanted an honest answer to.

That one question could've stopped an afternoon of beating myself up. That one question could've stopped some worrying I'd had about my friend.

'Til next time xxx

Sexual Assault

I know it's been a while since I last posted on here but I want this blog to be genuine. I don't want to sit down and have to think about what to write, I'd rather just grab my laptop and start typing when something springs to mind.

A few days ago it was my birthday.

It was also the day I was sexually assaulted.

Now to be honest I've been sat here thinking to myself, "Am I going to far with this? Am I making this too much of a big deal?"

Let me explain to you what happened...

I spent the day with one of my friends and just before we went home, a boy decided whilst running past us, to slap me on the bum with a shocking amount of strength for someone who looked no older than 10 years old.

Honestly, I was shocked and I think I still am a little now. I just froze and thought "what the fuck? did that honestly just happen?" I turned to my friend and waited for her to say something because I didn't want to look like I was overreacting by immediately saying it was sexual assault. To be completely honest I went into quite a weird and shocked mood for a while after.

One of the first things that popped into my head was an article I saw roughly a week ago asking whether or not the #MeToo movement has gone too far. Are people honestly asking this? Sexual assault is something that is definitely not spoken about enough or explained to people. The #MeToo movement hasn't gone too far, it's just showing how common sexual assault is and that something needs to change.

So yes it was only mild but at the end of the day, sexual assault is sexual assault and in absolutely no way is it a compliment. Do you really think someone wants you to run up behind them in the street and grab or slap their arse or worse? Trust me they really don't.

If someone hasn't given you consent, don't do it and please teach your children this.

Have you ever experienced anything similar? Feel free to leave a comment below.

'Til next time xxx

Piggy In The Middle

Have you ever heard the saying. "Your secret is safe with me and my best friend"?

Surely there's a line you can't cross with that?

Are you passing on actual secrets that somebody has trusted you with enough for them to tell you?

Let's look at it this way; you've got two friends, lets call them A and B. Friend A is your best friend and wants to know what you talk about with friend B, which I guess to a point that's kind of fair enough though right? Having a catch up includes talking about other friendships surely.

But then friend B decides to tell you something in confidence, something that no one or very few other people may know and asks you not to pass that on.

What would YOU do in that situation? Tell friend A everything? They want to know what you guys talk about right? Or show your loyalty to friend B and don't pass on to anyone what they've trusted you to know? Do you start to feel like you're piggy in the middle?

Maybe this is just me I don't know but if someone feels like they can trust me enough to tell me something in confidence, why would I even think to pass that on? I don't have the right to tell anyone another person's secret, whether they're my best friend or not. If that person telling me wanted my best friend to know, then they would more than likely tell them themselves.

Have you ever been in a similar situation? Did you tell your best friend something you were meant to keep to yourself? Let me know in the comments!

'Til next time xxx

Everything Happens For A Reason

They say everything happens for a reason and to be honest I use this saying a lot myself. If I'm overthinking a situation too much, I just say to myself ahh okay, well I guess everything happens for a reason.

But don't you ever wish you could know what some of those reasons were?

You didn't get that job you really wanted, why? What is waiting for you that getting that job won't allow you to do?

A friendship ends.

A relationship ends.

You cancel on something last minute.

Miss out on an event or tickets for something you desperately wanted.

Everyone that comes into your life - there must be a reason.

If we knew what the reasons were for any of these things happening, would that change things even more? Say you knew you missed out on a job because a better one was waiting for you, would you behave differently?

If you knew you'd end up losing touch with a close friend, would you see them more before that happens? Would you pay more attention to everything to see what would lead to that happening?

Is there anything that's happened in your life that you wished you knew the reason for why? Let me know in the comments.

'Til next time xxx

Life Online

Honestly I'm not entirely sure why I've started this blog.

I can't deny that a certain book series basically gave me this idea.

I guess you know that feeling when everything just bubbles up inside you until you just explode or breakdown? Well normally for me that results in my appetite disappearing completely and feeling quite low or a full blown panic attack (well that got deep quite quick).

I've learnt over the past maybe 6 months that writing things out seems to help. Whether that be in a text to a friend or just in a post saved on my phone, turns out writing down what's racing around in my head actually helps me to calm down a little.

Now I'm a serious overthinker - I can thank anxiety for that one. Any little or insignificant change in a person or situation in my life and I'm instantly thinking over every possible reason for why - more often than not am I wondering whether or not I've done something wrong.

I've got some amazing friends and yes I can talk to handful of them about anything and everything but do you ever get the sense that you're driving them mad? Whether it's melodramatic drama or something serious, you still feel like you're bothering them and mentioning the same thing a few times is just making them annoyed?

So I thought, why not create my own little anonymous corner of the internet where I can talk about anything without worrying that I'm driving my friends insane. I know there's no-one reading this right now but if anyone happens to find my blog, hopefully you can relate to something I say and eventually we could all help each other.

Well I think that's all I've got to say right now.

Til' next time xxx